Her sneeze was so cute that....
After the incident on the bus but before he can be arrested and before the whole thing finally ends, he was interviewed by a local news team. Due to foreign nature of the habitat, he has no idea exactly what questions they’re asking, but he figures that since no one in the news has ever asked any new questions and no one every gives any new responses, he believes he has a good enough idea of what is expected of him to follow the line of questioning.
Unfortunately, this being a sensational and perhaps non-existent news crew (his vision is now particularly blurred and his glasses flew into the fountain), they take incredible liberties with what he actually says versus what is broadcast. In their defense, he didn’t give them much to work with (or perhaps entirely too much to work with), due to the shock of the incident and his behavior that caused it. This coupled with the rapidly diminishing returns when attempting extractions of data from the logic and memory quadrants of his brain leads to the ensuing confusion which angers absolutely everyone in the vicinity.
The resulting audio/visual transmission sounded like the moon being rolled down a busy street in New York City for 5 seconds and after the piece aired, the whole town wanted him dead but by then he was long gone, in more ways than one.
Only the items below in bold made it to the final version in transcript form since the video cannot be located at the station, on Earth or anywhere else and never could be:
Answer: “Boy, I don’t know. It’s a tragic and unfortunate event that I wish could have been avoided. No one likes to see this type of thing happen, especially with such a high volume of people involved. Whatever my actions were which led to this tragedy, if any, I promise I would accept full responsibility, if what just happened here was at all apparent to me. I’m sure I couldn’t be more sorry. If that’s appropriate.
Answer: “Now that I think about it, perhaps what happened was the driver had to sneeze and he or she asked me to hold the wheel for a second to avoid a potential collision, but in actuality it was I who needed to sneeze which was what caused the crash. That certainly seems viable to me.”
Answer: “No sir, I was not and no ma’am, that is not so. I promise you both that this was not an attempt at being cute especially given that the outcome appears to be so ghastly. Do you see my glasses?”
Answer: “I obviously can’t speak on their behalf, but maybe one of your weathermen can confirm if perhaps the elements were involved?”
Answer: “True. The weather is as clear as the inside of waiting room. I retract my previous answer. Is that allowed?”
Answer: “In a word, ‘yes’. I hope that’s the sort of response you wanted. I couldn’t understand that question whatsoever.”
Answer: “Who are you talking to now? Me still? If so, that sounds like the same thing you just asked which I already answered “yes” without even knowing the question. This seems like overkill to me. You know what, maybe you should talk to that girl over there in the lab coat. In my experience that implies a higher level of reason that I’m currently able to give. Jesus, she appears to be evaporating.”
Right then, a plane or helicopter flies overhead and the static sirens draw closer, sounding like a computer on wheels. The volume going from low to high, right on schedule.
Unfortunately, this being a sensational and perhaps non-existent news crew (his vision is now particularly blurred and his glasses flew into the fountain), they take incredible liberties with what he actually says versus what is broadcast. In their defense, he didn’t give them much to work with (or perhaps entirely too much to work with), due to the shock of the incident and his behavior that caused it. This coupled with the rapidly diminishing returns when attempting extractions of data from the logic and memory quadrants of his brain leads to the ensuing confusion which angers absolutely everyone in the vicinity.
The resulting audio/visual transmission sounded like the moon being rolled down a busy street in New York City for 5 seconds and after the piece aired, the whole town wanted him dead but by then he was long gone, in more ways than one.
Only the items below in bold made it to the final version in transcript form since the video cannot be located at the station, on Earth or anywhere else and never could be:
Answer: “Boy, I don’t know. It’s a tragic and unfortunate event that I wish could have been avoided. No one likes to see this type of thing happen, especially with such a high volume of people involved. Whatever my actions were which led to this tragedy, if any, I promise I would accept full responsibility, if what just happened here was at all apparent to me. I’m sure I couldn’t be more sorry. If that’s appropriate.
Answer: “Now that I think about it, perhaps what happened was the driver had to sneeze and he or she asked me to hold the wheel for a second to avoid a potential collision, but in actuality it was I who needed to sneeze which was what caused the crash. That certainly seems viable to me.”
Answer: “No sir, I was not and no ma’am, that is not so. I promise you both that this was not an attempt at being cute especially given that the outcome appears to be so ghastly. Do you see my glasses?”
Answer: “I obviously can’t speak on their behalf, but maybe one of your weathermen can confirm if perhaps the elements were involved?”
Answer: “True. The weather is as clear as the inside of waiting room. I retract my previous answer. Is that allowed?”
Answer: “In a word, ‘yes’. I hope that’s the sort of response you wanted. I couldn’t understand that question whatsoever.”
Answer: “Who are you talking to now? Me still? If so, that sounds like the same thing you just asked which I already answered “yes” without even knowing the question. This seems like overkill to me. You know what, maybe you should talk to that girl over there in the lab coat. In my experience that implies a higher level of reason that I’m currently able to give. Jesus, she appears to be evaporating.”
Right then, a plane or helicopter flies overhead and the static sirens draw closer, sounding like a computer on wheels. The volume going from low to high, right on schedule.
posted by Red Kitchen at
6:35 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home